FDH Finds Way to Keep Family Intact

Image Caption: Dy meets with Chie again at the Philippine Consulate General

 

By Cheryl M. Arcibal

HERE’S one feel-good story.

A 45-year-old Filipino domestic worker whose marriage was on the brink of collapse found a way to reconcile with her husband and keep her family intact.

Chie said she had sought the help of Social Welfare Attache Elizabeth Lim Dy after her husband kept her children from communicating with her for more than four months. It was the second time that her children were kept from her after she and her husband had an argument.

“Sabi ko sa kaibigan ko kagabi, huwag siyang susuko, kasi kapag pinagharap kayo, hindi naman kayo paghihiwalayin agad hanggang sa mapag-isipan ninyo iyan,” Chie said in an interview on August 28 at the Philippine Consulate General.

“Ako, ayoko na talaga at halos ayaw ko nang umuwi pero ngayon masaya na kami ng pamilya ko. Ngayon ko lang nae-enjoy ang buhay ko.”

In Israel 

Chie met her husband when they were working as caregivers in Israel in 1991, and after getting married, they had their first child in 1999. In 2003, however, she, her husband and their son went home to the Philippines following an escalation of conflict in the Middle East during the US-Iraq war.

When they were starting out, Chie said her husband had always been jealous, and he would always lash out at her. She endured them all because she did not want a broken family.

“Dahil seloso nga siya kahit doon sa Israel at dahil ayoko nga ng broken family na maranasan ng anak ko tiis, tiis, tiis hanggang sa bumalik kami ng Pilipinas at ganyan pa din sakal na sakal ako,” Chie said.

In the Philippines, she said she gave birth to their youngest child – a daughter. They then purchased a house in Bulacan.

In Hong Kong 

In 2009, her husband failed to pass an employment test for Dubai, so Chie said she applied for a domestic helper job in Hong Kong.

“Noong nakarating din naman ako dito sa Hong Kong, sakit-ulo din naman kasi naglalasing siya at ipasok o hindi niya ang mga anak ko sa school eh nasa private school ang mga anak ko.

“Iyong mga bata, hindi niya hinahatid kapag nalalasaing siya so iyong mga bata laging may summer class, eh mahal ang summer class,” Chie said.

Inquiring from her children’s teachers thru online chatting, she said she found out that her children were scared of telling her about their father’s drinking habits.

“Kapag nalalasing siya, hindi niya pinapasok ang mga bata, sinisigawan niya. Isang beses sinaktan niya ang mga bata na nandun ang nanay ko. Sabi ko nga sa kanya noon, kung na-video lang kita [pwede ka mademanda],” Chie said.

Then sometime in the first half last year, her husband asked her for money because he was sick. She said she refused to give him money because she was paying for the tuition of her children.

“Ang sabi ko sa kanya, nagkasakit ka dala ng bisyo dahil sa pag-inom,” Chie added.

Her husband then demanded the title of their house, but she also refused to give it to him.

Owing to this, her husband cut off their internet subscription in Bulacan, preventing Chie from communicating with her children.

She said it was the second time that her husband kept her children from her. The first time was about three years ago when she did not take her annual leave and instead opted to remain in Hong Kong.

“Hindi lang ilang beses nilayo ang mga bata sa akin, ilang beses niyang ginamit ang mga bata. Kapag nagkakaproblema kami hindi niya talaga pinapakita ang bata. Iyong unang beses, talagang nababaliw ako tapos inulit na naman niya.

“Hanggang sa naisip ko na lang na bakit tuwing nag-aaway kami ganun ang ginagawa niya kaya naisip kong lumapit kay Ms. [Elizabeth Lim] Dy (Social Welfare Attache) bandang May,” Chie said.

No remittance 

Following her husband’s action, Chie said she also stopped remitting money to him. But after four months of refusing to remit any money to her husband, she then relented and started sending money again. Chie said she thought her husband would subscribe to internet services again, but he did not.

During these months, she said she would ask her mother to visit her husband and children in Bulacan. Her daughter would also reload prepaid phone credits so they could talk online or over the phone. Their conversations, however, would always be short because her daughter was scared her father would catch her talking to Chie.

“Sabi naman ng nanay ko, mukha namang ok ang asawa ko. Pero hindi pa rin pinapakita ng asawa ko ang mga anak ko kaya nakikibalita din ako sa mga kapitbahay namin.

“Naisip ko kasi noon na bakit ako magpapadala ng pera kung hindi naman niya pinapakita ang mga bata, iipunin ko na lang. Nagpapadala ako sa mga kapit-bahay namin kahit konting pera para sa pang-lunch nila,” she said.

Chie also then started submitting her requirements to the Department of Social Welfare and Development so she could name her mother, who lives in Caloocan, as the caretaker of her children while she was working in Hong Kong.

In the period between May and December 2015, the DSWD prepared documents so Chie could take the custody of her children. Chie also took advantage of the free legal consultation held by members of the Integrated Bar of the Philippines at the PCG.

One of the IBP members advised her against giving her husband the title of their house and instead told her to pay her husband’s share of the property and make him leave their conjugal home.

Chie said she also learned that her husband’s siblings and their other neighbors blamed her youngest child for telling her about her husband’s drinking habits.

Christmas in the Philippines 

After three years of refusing to go on vacation in the Philippines, she decided to spend Christmas home. Armed with documents from the DSWD so she could take the custody of their children, she was determined to finally leave her husband.

“Sabi ko sa anak ko, kapag hindi ko kayo nakita sa airport sa araw ng pagdating ko sa December 13, hindi ninyo magugustuhan ang gagawin ko. Noong araw na iyon, wala sila sa airport. Umuulan noon, pero nalaman ko iniuwi niya ang mga anak ko sa Pampanga,” she said. Chie stayed at her mother’s house in Caloocan.

In the next two days, she went to Bulacan to try to take her kids from her husband.

On the third day, her husband and her kids returned to Bulacan, and backed up by a van of police officers from the Women’s Desk of the Philippine National Police, and another van from the barangay captain, Chie, her husband, and children were taken to the DSWD office for a conference.

At the DSWD office, the officer asked Chie and her husband what they wanted.

Chie said she wanted to leave her husband but would continue remitting money. Her husband replied that he would not oppose whatever Chie wanted because they had not seen each other for more than three years anyway.

The children, meanwhile, said they wanted to keep their family intact if there was still a way to do so.

The DSWD officer then told Chie’s husband that it was wrong to cut the internet connection because the coupled was having an argument. Chie was told that she should have continued sending money because her husband could not provide for all the needs of their family.

The social welfare officer told Chie and her husband that should they decide to separate, their communication with and respect toward each other should remain.

“Umiiyak siya, nakita ko. Sabi niya sa akin ‘walang dalang damit ang mga bata, at hindi pa kumakain’. Sabi ko ‘papakainin ko na lang. Sumama ka na sa amin para mapag-usapan natin ang sa mga bata’,” Chie said.

During the holidays, Chie took her kids to a resort and they went swimming. She also started processing the paper for the legal separation of their properties.

One more chance

During this time, she received a phone call from her husband who asked her to meet him.

“Nagkita kami, ang sabi niya sa akin ‘meron ka na ba talagang iba?’ Sabi ko ‘wala. Gusto ko lang mawala ka sa buhay ko para magkaroon ako ng peace of mind’,” Chie said.

“Bigyan mo pa ako ng chance,” Chie’s husband said.

When she told her children that she would tour them and her mother to Hong Kong, the children said they also wanted their father to join the trip,

“Naiintidihan ko naman, kaya para maging masaya sila, sabi ko na isasama natin ang papa ninyo,” she said.

Two days before her return to Hong Kong, Chie’s husband once more asked her for another chance and said that he would be a changed man.

“Iyon naman ang sinabi ng women’s desk na bigyan mo pa ako ng chance at kapag talagang hindi ko magampanan [sige maghiwalay na tayo],” Chie quoted her husband as saying.

After coming back to Hong Kong, Chie said her husband had communicated with her daily.  The internet subscription in their home in Bulacan was also restored.

In April, she took her husband, children and her mother to Hong Kong. They also visited Shenzhen and Macau. They stayed in her employer’s home in Pok Fu Lam.

Happy family

“Sabi ng amo ko, ‘happy family pala kayo, Chie’. Hindi ko naman kasi kinukuwento sa kanila kung ano nangyari sa amin. Pero nakita nila noon na nagkakasundo kami,”she said.

Upon her family’s return to the Philippines, Chie provided money to buy a tricylcle so her husband could earn money.  Her son, who stopped schooling, sought part-time work in Manila and also went back to school.

“Nakita ko iyong mga pagbabago sa asawa at mga anak ko. Kaya nga sabi ko ‘Lord, sana, tuloy-tuloy na ito’,” she added.

“Noong July, umuwi ako ulit sa atin para sa 50th birthday ng mister ko. Biruin mo iyon dati, halos ayoko nang umuwi,” a smiling Chie said.

 

(Source: HongKongNews.com.hk)

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